Bush's Brain Fog
The news in places like CNN is all about the stock market these days. And hell, why not? The market dropped by something like 150 points in the first 10 minutes it was open today, along with the near-400 point drop yesterday. Rich people are scared, and when people who have lived their lives free from the workaday concerns of average Americans start sweating about their livelihoods, it's never a good sign.
But this laser-like focus has meant that a few important stories have been ignored. In Spain, they're burning 400,000 hectares of crops in a mad effort to exterminate a giant plague of voles.
The Spanish Plague
In Bangladesh and other areas of Southeast Asia, millions have fled their homes in front of the worst floods in memory.
The Amazing Race: Bangladesh Flood Edition
In Philadelphia, a political columnist is actually hoping for another 9/11, saying it will bring our country together and failing to even mention the thousands more Americans who would be killed in such an event.
Stu Bykofsky, who is at least decent enough to identify himself as a "bastard" in the above-mentioned column
But more important than any of this -- for our politically minded purposes here at Doomed Generation, in any case -- is brain fog. Wikipedia defines brain fog as "episodes of cognitive dysfunction or confused thinking. Brain fog is associated with forgetfulness, losing one's train of thought, depersonalization, the inability to remember the correct words when speaking or writing (aphasia)."
Sound like any presidents you know? You bet, ace. Brain fog, notably, is a symptom of long-term Lyme Disease, and the news just came out yesterday that Bush suffered from that tick-born plague.
Not much has been written about the effects of brain fog on the Bush administration. The syndrome is not commonly known, as it generally results only from Lyme Disease, fibromyalgia, multiple sclerosis, or psychiatric disorders like schizophrenia or manic-depression. And while the White House played down how badly the president suffered from Lyme Disease, if there's anything we can trust about news from the White House, it's that we can't trust any of it.
Who knows? Bush could've been hit with a blood-sucking little insect years ago. It certainly explains the constant fumbling for words, as well as the tendency to forget where he is, who he is, how he got there and even how to properly eat a pretzel. And it gets worse, ace. Oh, ye gods, does it get worse.
How long before the president decides that life is little more than a waking dream, and then nukes Iran simply because "it seemed the right thing to do?" We're in a race against time now. January 2009 cannot come soon enough. Hell, brain fog is only one of the many neuropsychiatric symptoms that we, as American citizens, must now consider.
The president finally, terminally sinking into deep psychosis is a real possibility. At the next State of the Union speech, he'll come rolling into Congress with his necktie wrapped around his forehead, his shirt unbuttoned, and a machete in either hand. Will our Democratic congressmen, who have been rolling over left and right, be able to defend themselves against a machete-wielding maniac who believes the portrait of Richard Nixon hanging in the West Wing has ordered him to kill them all? It's almost too much to bear.
"Holy fuck, the president just decapitated Pelosi!"
"Well, then, we'll need to establish a quorum to determine the Speaker of the House with regards to the Democratic caucus, in relation to the— "Aiiieeeeeeeee!"
"Great jabbering Christ! He got Steny! Somebody get Murtha up here! He's a war hero, for God's sake!"
"Hee heee heee! Freedom's on the march!!"
"Back, you thug!"
Well, you get the idea. A Columbine-style massacre in Congress at the hands of the president is only a matter of time now. Terrible, terrible. We are through the looking glass.
Comments
If it comes to that, you know Cheney's going to jump in with his shotgun and shoot some his fair share of Congress (I'm betting Teddy Kennedy and Dennis Kucinich, bare minimum) in the face. Yeah, they've surely both gone mad after being picked on for over a year by the those U.S. reps who are so popular in their districts. Get out the presidential trenchcoats. Cheney is Klebold to Bush's Harris. Or is it the other way around?
Hilarious, Dan.
Posted by: Pulp | August 10, 2007 12:20 PM
God, Pulp, I hadn't even considered the ramifications. Yeah, Cheney'd be there too. He'd jump right onboard the minute Bush went sideways. I picture him strolling into Congress behind the manic Bush, dressed in 19th Century safari gear, pith helmet and all, and careering a huge-bore double-barreled shotgun. He'd fire randomly into the Democratic section of Congress, then hand the shotgun over to his gun-bearer, an African boy who referred to him as "sahib." While the boy was reloading, he'd keep the few Democrats brave enough to rush him at bay with a large, old-model revolver, maybe a Colt or a Webley.
(I've been reading The Complete Short Stories of Ernest Hemingway. Can you tell?)
Posted by: Dan | August 13, 2007 4:55 PM