I don't usually comment on this sort of thing, but y'all read that Paris Hilton get-out-of-jail petition? Written by a fan of hers, one Joshua Capone, it reads in part, "She provides beauty and excitement to (most of) our otherwise mundane lives."

Wow. Just how masochistic and self-loathing do you have to be to sign that garbage, much less write it? Paris Hilton gives your life worth? Seriously? Good God. Like I said, I don't talk about celebrity trash all that much (I leave that to the blog of a City Linker who's much more well-informed on the subject), but this just makes my skin crawl.

Judge Michael Sauer, for the good of the nation, don't make Paris Hilton spend 45 days in jail. Make it 45 years. Please. I know it seems harsh, but it's no harsher than three-strike laws that send a man to prison for life for stealing a few Disney videos for his kids. And unlike that case, this one serves a real benefit to society. With Paris locked away behind bars, these brainwashed people who have sacrificed their lives in the vain pursuit of Paris Hilton's mythos can be free to actually do something constructive. Maybe open a nightclub, release an album, start a clothing line, or something.

So come on, Judge Sauer. Do it for the children.

Throw Away The Key