Just How Great Are the Florida Gators?
I mean, is there anything this football champion, two-in-a-row basketball champion, top-50 academic school can't do?
Rumor has it that, after the game, Joakim Noah saved 10 babies from a burning building, brokered peace in the Middle East, and ate the new Wendy's 4-alarm chicken sandwich without taking a sip from his Coke.
Further rumors that Billy Donovan pleasured Thad Matta's wife as she had never been pleasured before are unsubstantiated at this time.
To the Gators! The best college basketball team in the country, bar none!
To the Gators! The best football team in the country, though Ohio State fans will sob that their team is really better, but just had an off day or some crap.
To the Swamp! The most dangerous place to play football in college sports!
And to me! For calling the Final Four, the Championship, and the champions. I rule!
OK, OK. All this Gator love is kinda silly for a Missouri alum, but I've adopted the Gators for a couple reasons:
1) I now live in Florida, so I had to pick between Florida, Florida State and Miami for a team to root for. That choice is no choice at all. Florida State's a bunch of yahoos, and The Canes consider gunplay a college sport.
2) To paraphrase Jules from Pulp Fiction, my girlfriend's a Gator, which more or less makes me a Gator.
Anyway, it was a helluva game last night — well, if you were a Florida fan. The Gators led by 11 at the half, and the Buckeyes never came close through the entire second period. At this point, is it even safe for a Florida fan to enter Columbus? Would anyone in Gators paraphernalia be shot on sight? My own experience with Columbus — an ugly, brutal story that will have to wait for another time, after the statute of limitations has past by — seems to confirm this. Beware, Gator fans — the streets of Columbus are forever closed to you. Unless you're suicidal, of course. But these days, it ain't the Gators that are on suicide watch.