This is the sort of story you only dream of writing one day. After making the campaign promise to impale Bush if elected president in 2008, self-described satanic vampire Jonathan "The Impaler" Sharkey received a visit from the Secret Service. The story is rife with once-in-a-lifetime quotes such as "They didn't even ask to see my impaling stick." And, the money quote, “They were telling me, when they were interrogating me, that their job was to protect Bush even after he’s out of office. I’m looking at them like, ‘Oh, you’re going to defy me when I become president?’ ”

Does it get better than that? I'm not sure.