Truth be told, this shouldn't be news -- we've had man-sized rats down here for years. Most of them are in Tallahassee. Ho ho!

Sorry, Jeb. That was uncalled for.

Anyway, I'm not talking about metaphorical vermin here. I'm talking the real thing. Gambian Pouch Rats. Three-foot fuckers with pointy teeth, sharp claws and the temperments of, well, rats. They are, in fact, the largest rats in the world, ace, and when they decide one day that Grassy Key Island has become too small for them, they will swim to Key Largo, breed their way up the coast, and eat your children in their cribs.

OK, maybe not so much that last part. But this latest story concerning invasive species in Florida has me wondering where it will all end. I'm sure many of you remember the photo from last year that depicted a python swallowing an alligator and dying in the process:

Yeah, that's the one.

Most of these species come over here as pets, and are then abandoned in the wild once their owners can't take care of them anymore, or else decide that they are no longer fashionable. But I'm not so much worried about the three-foot rats and the 15-foot pythons. I can deal with them. In Africa, the rats are eaten as bushmeat, and they're really not as scary as I made out:

And as for the pythons, I've practically gotten used to having them around already. What's a few giant snakes living in the nearby swamp when you already have huge lizards that boast a more powerful bite than just about anything else on the planet? Screw'em all. I'll have'em in a stew with the rats.

Now, that's good eatin'

No, I'm concerned about what all these rats and such are bringing here inside themselves. Or on themselves. The story linked above detailed how the rats likely brought in monkeypox, and the scare doesn't just stop at viruses. How long before one of these giant African beasts imports a litter of Guinea worms in its stomach? Will we ever drink water again after seeing worms explode from the skin of one of our neighbors? It's on its way, ace. Thirsty? So are the Guinea worms. But they don't drink ... water.

The sheer horror of Guinea worm disease in all its vile glory is not fit to be shown even on this somewhat R-rated blog. Just go to Google images and type in "Guinea worm disease." I'll wait. ...

... Back? Well, more things in heaven and earth, eh?

And that is only the beginning of the parasitic complications. And, besides, for all my former bravado, the last thing I need is a three-foot rat getting into my pantry. And the CDC believes that the Gambian Pouch Rat would spread easily across Southeast America if introduced to the mainland. Terrible. Just terrible. This is the way the world ends, ace -- not with a bang, but with a squeak.

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The news that Cuban dictator Fidel Castro would not attend his grand birthday bash, despite the attendance of world leaders such as Evo Morales of Bolivia and Rene Peval of Haiti, the breathtakingly -- almost annoyingly -- great writer Gabriel Garcia Marquez, and Nobel Peace Prize winner Adolfo Perez Esquivel, came as little shock to most people who have been following the strongman's recent ailment. But one line from the story I linked above particularly piqued my curiosity:

"Castro, who has not been seen in public for four months, wanted the delayed birthday celebration held on Dec. 2, to coincide with the 50th anniversary of the date that he and fellow rebels landed by boat in Cuba to launch their revolution."

Four months?! Has it really been so long? The truth of the matter is, the last few months have played out very similarly to the deaths of previous dictatorial leaders who are the subjects of severe cults of personality. As Mario Loyola wrote in National Review back in August, "In Communist societies, the fall of a dictator is often marked by a public statement about the dictator’s failing health that (a) doesn’t make sense, and (b) is not delivered by the dictator himself."
That certainly happened back when Castro first fell ill. But at his birthday party, a new statement, again a letter supposedly written by Castro that was read by a supposed subordinate, doesn't even sound like the man. To whit:
"I direct myself to you, intellectuals and prestigious personalities of the world, with a dilemma. I could not meet with you in a small locale, only in the Karl Marx Theater where all the visitors would fit, and I was not yet in condition, according to the doctors, to face such a colossal encounter. ... My very close friends, who have done me the honor of visiting our country, I sign off with the great pain of not having been able to personally give thanks and hugs to each and every one of you."

That simply doesn't read like Fidel. It lacks that certain flowery quality that festoons the man's writing and adds to the infamous length of his marathon speeches. One could chalk this up to the fact that the man is sick, and therefore is tending toward brevity in all things, but at this point, Occam's Razor seems more and more to suggest that Fidel is already gone -- in a coma at best, in hell at worst.

At this point, I expect his next public appearance to look something like this:

Cuban Leader Fidel Castro, allegedly dead

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Of all the heinous stupidity of the Bush administration, none has caused such breathtaking loss of life as our causing the Iraqi Civil War. For the sake of some modicum of balance, here's the embarrassingly lame editorial by the Chicago Tribune's Frank James, in which he calls for a "civil-war blue ribbon panel" (yes, he actually uses that phrase) to decide whether Iraq is in a civil war. It reminds me of those Royal Bank of Scotland commercials, in which the bankers debate how to rescue one of their fellows who is trapped in quicksand, even as the man slowly sinks beneath the gritty swamp. The only people who argue against this being a civil war who have a valid point are those that argue it's even worse -- complete anarchy, the total break from any recognizable social order.

Last Sunday, we passed a little-noticed milestone in Iraq. We have now been involved in the Iraq War longer than we were involved in World War II.

Meanwhile, in the greater War on Terror, the U.S. is doing a bang-up job -- at least when it comes to PR, which seems to be the real central front in the War on Terror.

While some of my media colleagues have only just acquiesced to calling the Iraq War a civil war, others have already gone much further, at least in terms of our culpability. This editorial by Catholic priest Andrew Greeley in the Sun-Times is worth reading. Highlights:
In regards to U.S. soldiers: "President Bush and Vice President Dick Cheney killed them."
In summation: "It's a shame there will be no war crimes trials."

Of course, it's IEDs and snipers that killed our troops, but I see his point.

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Despite the demands of professional bloviators like Bill O'Reilly, who insisted that the Democrats investigate nothing upon taking control of Congress, the incoming legislators have promised a wide array of inquiries to begin once the 110th Congress takes its seat.

Those no-bid contracts won by Bush-friendly firms like Halliburton in Iraq, New Orleans and elsewhere will be given a thorough once over.

"One thing you can be assured of is that we will do aggressive oversight"
-- Rep. Bennie Thompson, incoming chair of the Homeland Security Committee

Rep. Henry Waxman, incoming chair of the Government Reform Committee, has proposed the Clean Contracting Act, which will end no-bid contracts that have no oversight

"This Iraq experience has made the case for aggressive monitoring of contractors."
-- Rep. Janice Schakowsky, who has also proposed legislation requiring oversight of military contracts

"Many Democrats have had the impression, and they are feeding the impression, that contracting is a process that is fundamentally broken. But there's not a scintilla of evidence that that is the case."
Stan Soloway, defense industry shill and president of Professional Services Council

*************************************************************************************************************************

And what about the death of habeas corpus and the torture of detainees at secret CIA bases in other countries? The Dems are gearing up for an investigation into that too.

“I expect real answers, or we’ll have testimony under oath until we get them.”
-- Senator Patrick Leahy of Vermont, incoming chair of the Senate Judiciary Committee

"When making those decisions, it is vital to protect national security information, particularly when they relate to sensitive intelligence programs that are the subject of oversight by the Intelligence Committees. We also must give appropriate weight to the confidentiality of internal executive branch deliberations.”
-- Brian Roehrkasse, Justice Department spinmeister who often deals with stories that make DoJ look bad.

*************************************************************************************************************************

And the hits just keep on coming:

"There are lots and lots and lots of scandals."
-- Rep. John Dingell, incoming chair of the Energy and Commerce Committee, who also said that the Cheney Energy Task Force, "was carefully cooked to provide only participation by oil companies and energy companies."

*************************************************************************************************************************

As long as the Democratic legislators actually do their jobs and, you know, pass legislation, I've got no problem with this. Checks and balances -- congressional oversight -- will be a welcome change from the sycophantic bootlicking of previous years.

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Is it just me, or does it pay to be a racist in America today? On a national level, CNN was still talking about Michael "Kramer" Richards this morning, after the man appeared on Jesse Jackson's show over the weekend. Richards hasn't gotten this much press in years, and not all of it is negative anymore, many stories talking about his attempts at "healing" in the African-American community.

Richards -- if Jesse Jackson loves him, shouldn't you?

Meanwhile, on a local level, Deerfield Beach City Manager Larry Deetjen was suspended with pay, and continues to draw on his $150,000-per-year salary after making racist remarks. He'll supposedly return to the job in December after six months of being paid for doing nothing.

Deetjen -- Sweet, sweet paid suspension

So, it appeared that racist outbursts mean restored careers and paid vacations. If I'd have known that ... well, I still wouldn't drop the N-bomb, but this sure isn't sending the proper message is it? In an equitable world, Richards would be made to perform a three-night engagement at the Apollo Theatre, and Deetjen would've gotten a bit of a harsher sentence than 6 months of paid leave. Christ.

But the big news down here in South Florida was the batshit-insane rampage of freelance cartoonist Jose Varela who, much to the dismay of the Cuban community itself, is now the poster-boy for Cuban exiles.

Long story short, Varela held up the Herald offices for 3.5 hours, using a "very real looking" plastic version of a MAC 11 Uzi. Police charged Varela with three counts of aggravated assault, which should send the Cuban native -- who was angry at the Herald's editorial policies -- to jail for the long haul.

Varela has toy gun, will travel

For better or for worse -- almost definitely the latter -- Varela is now the face of the angry, right-wing Cuban exile community to those outside of it. This, of course, is wrong. The leaders of South Florida's Cuban exile community don't go around scaring people with toy guns. No, they secretly stockpile real ones. Just a few weeks ago, prominent Cuban exile Santiago Alvarez was sentenced to four years in prison for harboring a cache of weapons that included six machine guns and a freaking grenade launcher! Between the Herald's bungling of the Marti-blemished reporters, the Alvarez story, and now this, it's been an ugly month for the Cubans. The virulently anti-Castro Cuban crowd has come off looking dangerous, crazy and dumb.

It's easy to want to side with them -- just look at that wheezy bearded dictator they oppose -- but the combination of all the above mentioned factors should just about snap any remaining ties between the Herald and White Miami and the Brown Miami that already seems utterly foreign to it, a different planet in its midst.

Anti-Castro Cubans have always had a large presence out in the wilds of the blogosphere, and blogs like Babalu and 26th Parallel have already dismissed Varela as a man who went into a tailspin after a divorce. But that ignores both the realities of the situation -- Varela's statements while holed up at One Herald Plaza certainly must be acknowledged as those of a man deeply distressed about the paper's editorial content -- and the perceptions of this story outside the Cuban community, where Varela is already being seen as just another nutcase in a sea of nutcases stocking up on machine guns in Lauderhill and buddying up with terrorists like Luis Posada Carriles.

Over at Stuck on the Palmetto, you can already see the non-Cuban community looking at the Cubans ever-more-askance, and across the blogosphere, the folks at SotP and some of the aforementioned Cuban blogs have been engaging in a trolling war in various comment sections. It's been funny to watch. Anytime a "Rick" (SotP) pops up on The Daily Pulp or Critical Miami, there's guaranteed to be a "Val" (Babalu) or a "Robert" (26th Parallel) not far behind. These little digs provide a small window into the larger relationship of the Cuban exile community with the larger South Florida population. It is a relationship that sours by the day, with those outside the Cuban exile community seeing only Varela, Alvarez and Posada Carriles in the faces of conservative Cubans.

And, hey, guilty as charged. I am just as guilty of wallowing in prejudgement as the next man, especially since the community in question stands by a political philosophy -- modern conservatism -- that I consider morally bankrupt and based on ignorance and greed. The Bushes -- Jeb and George both -- are seen as deep, decisive statesmen. All I see are a couple of shallow money whores for corporate interests -- just a couple more rapacious greedheads screwing the life out of the American Dream. It's easy to believe the worst of a community that dependably backs such horrific bloodsuckers. It's easy to read Babalu and wonder how many guns he has buried in his backyard.

Now where's my six months of paid vacation?

Over at The Daily Pulp's entry on this, The Pulp man himself ends with "This damn town needs some therapy. And quick."

I disagree. I think it's gone far beyond the abilities of therapy to heal. There is no trust to build on. Liberal Democratic whites are angry at Cuban exiles, who they believe are dangerous lunatics, and Cuban exiles are angry at liberal Democratic whites, because they consider Cubans to be dangerous lunatics. Therapy will no longer do this city a lick of good. To quote the Joker from the Batman movie, this town needs an enema.

Posted by Dan Sweeney at 11:58 AM | Permalink | Comments (0) | TrackBacks (0)

A Thanksgiving Prayer, by one of my idols, William Burroughs

See it here

William S. Burroughs, 1914-1997
A king of a writer, a hell-beast of a man

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In all the election hoopla, I somehow missed the news that Milton Friedman, one of the biggest names ever to stomp around the field of economics, died last week at the age of 94. While he may have meant well, Friedman's theories and policies are largely responsible for the Cult of Deregulation that came about in American politics in the 1980s, leading to wanton corruption, rapacious greed and a country that so valued money over morality that it has almost entirely lost sight of the latter.

I'd offer a more lengthy obituary for this defender of the ultrarich and the status quo, but alt-journalism pioneer Sam Smith has already written a far better eulogy than I ever could. Milty, wherever you are, read it and weep:

Saturday, November 18, 2006

MILTON FRIEDMAN: KILLING AMERICA SOFTLY WITH HIS SONG

Sam Smith

You'd never guess it from the sycophantic obituaries, but Milton Friedman did more damage to American democracy and culture than just about any figure in the 20th century.

The sycophancy isn't surprising. Friedman was blessed with it from the start. For example, the supposedly liberal PBS starred him in a ten part series, "Free to Choose" in 1980 just in time to help Reagan win the presidency. To this day, even NPR babbles about the "free market" when you all you have to do is count the number of lobbyists in Washington to understand that such an economy doesn't exist.

Further, one of the best kept secrets of economics is that there are lots of systems that work provided, that is, you don't care who they work for. Feudalism, for example, was great if you were a lord, not so efficient a marketplace is you were merely a serf. And each system works differently depending on the culture in which it operates, which is why communism in the Soviet Union, China and Italy meant such different things. In the end, the real test of an economy is not its math but its social, financial and moral effect on its culture and those who live there.
This is why the commentaries on Friedman were so consistently wrong. They treated economics as though it was a cold science when, in a mind as distorted as Friedman's, it was really just a sort of creationism myth applied to money.

If you read far enough down the stories, you would find, grudgingly, a single quote from a critic. The Washington Post cited Galbraith biographer Richard Parker who said that Friendman's "passionate calls for financial and securities market deregulation played no small role in ushering in the half-trillion dollar S&L fiasco of the 1980s and the deeply corrupt Wall Street stock market boom of the 1990s. His tax-reduction-at-all-costs policies helped lead to the nation's yawning budget deficits." And the Wall Street Journal admitted deep in its account, "Critics said he inspired policies that put millions of people out of work in pursuit of low inflation and demonized almost everything the government did, no matter how beneficial or democratically chosen. 'Milton Friedman didn't make a distinction between the big government of the People's Republic of China and the big government of the United States, said James Galbraith, professor of government at the University of Texas."

But for the most part both public figures and the media bought Friedman's mythology, never stopping to look critically at the effect it had on America. Here are a just few things that have happened since America's elite swallowed the Friedman myth:

- Real income down
- Real manufacturing wages down
- Top one percent's share of wealth up
- Income gap between rich and poor up
- Family indebtedness up
- Bottom forty percent's share of wealth down
- CEO pay as a percent of average workers' pay up
- Workers covered by pensions down
- Workers covered by health plans down
- Age at which one can receive Social Security down
- Personal bankruptcies up
- Housing foreclosures up
- Median rent up

But the worst damage of Friedman economics is not fiscal but what it has done to the social and moral principles that made America what it was before the greedsters of neo-capitalism began taking it apart. The underlying principle of laissez faire economics is that power is intrinsically good and decency intrinsically irrelevant.
No society can long function on such a lie. It is essentially that of the Mafia with the exception being that you don't have to always ignore the law to get what you want; often, with the help of your lobbyists and purchased politicians, you can just change it to fit your needs.

The moral vacuum was clear from the start. Ronald Reagan said things like "We were told four years ago that 17 million people went to bed hungry every night. Well, that was probably true. They were all on a diet." And: "Unemployment insurance is a pre-paid vacation for freeloaders."

As for Margaret Thatcher, whose platform of public selfishness was used as a model for the Reagan campaign, she thought there wasn't even anything one could call a community: "There is no such thing as society. There are individual men and women, and there are families." Thatcher wrapped herself in economic slogans that justified greed not only to accomplish economic ends but also to deal with gays and abortions and everything else she didn't like. In her paradigm, the free market and Victorian tyranny formed a civil union. By the time Reagan, Bush, and Clinton were through with the concept, they had created a gaping corporate exemption from common morality and decency. The market not only offered adequate justification for any act, it had replaced God as the highest source of law.

We have paid a terrible price for this corruption of our culture by the new robber barons egged on by Friedman and his ilk. We so accept their foul standards that we don't even discuss or debate them. We have become prisoners of their lie.

*******************************************************************************************************************************

Milton Friedman, Architect of Our Moral Bankrupcy, 1912-2006

What else is there to say? Friedman dealt mainly in theories and numbers, but his ideas laid the groundwork for all the vile greedheads that would come after him, and use those ideas to justify looting the treasury, crushing the poor, and feeding the pigs till they burst. I'm not convinced Friendman was aware, in the beginning, of the eventual consequences of his work, but he lived to see its results, and he seemed happy with the outcome -- a country, even an entire Western world, that abandoned principle for a penny. If there's any justice in the afterlife, Friedman is a panhandler in hell.

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Last night, we learned that Michael Richards makes Trent Lott look like Rosa Parks.

The face of modern racism

It's forever ruined sitcom repeats for me -- Seinfeld was the last one I still watched occasionally. Now I won't be able to see Kramer come shooting into Jerry's apartment without thinking he's about to invite a Jew to a cross-burning. But what the hell. I've still got new episodes of Earl and The Office. How many sitcoms does one man need? Especially since life itself has become a sort of lowbrow comedy over the past few years, with more on the way everyday.

Mark Foley's apparently back in town, now that the election's over. Hopefully, he can get on with the business of being an out gay man. He'll probably be a lot happier that way, and, you know, not a sexual predator.

Speaking of guys whose sexual peccadilloes are so many 800-pound gorillas, in statewide politics, Charlie Crist announced that Broward Republican Party Chairman George LeMieux will be his new chief of staff. This makes sense -- LeMieux was the chief of staff for Crist's campaign, and also worked with him in the attorney-general's office.

LeMieux and Crist share an intimate moment

OK,OK. Lame, insinuating captions aside, I like LeMieux, as far as GOP operatives go. Recall that, in the dwindling days of the campaign, Crist failed to put in an appearance with George Bush in Pensacola? That was LeMieux's doing. In fact, when CNN asked Karl Rove why Crist failed to show, Rove responded nastily, "Ask George LeMieux." Anyone willing to evoke the ire of Karl Rove has got stones worthy of respect.

Meanwhile, on the national level, Nancy Pelosi's First 100 Hours Plan is on its way. One of its key planks -- the one that Pelosi said would be dealt with on Day One of the new Congress -- was ethics reform, and the Democrats have a clever way of forcing these needed changes through a Congress that has become accustomed to living off the fat of the lobbyist. Instead of presenting one large ethics rules change for Congress to vote on, the Democrats intend to debate each reform separately, forcing anyone against, say, banning extravagant gifts from lobbyists to explain exactly why they want to continue receiving gold-plated paperweights, or what have you. Forcing the greedy dupes of K Street to justify their piggish existences will at least prove fun to watch, if anyone actually has the chutzpah to get up and debate the pro-lobbying side of ethics reform. The Washington Post detailed the Democrats' plan today. Amusingly, many of the ethics amendments will be offered on the House floor by freshman Democrats who replaced outgoing, corrupt Republicans such as Bob Ney. As Austin Powers would say, "Very ouch, baby."

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The big news on politics over the weekend was that the Democrats had an actual, contested election for majority leader of the House. Apparently, most of the media forgot what it's like to have a party in control whose members disagree with each other and eventually come to some consensus, as opposed to marching in lockstep.

Steny Hoyer, new House Majority Leader

John Murtha, new Speaker Nancy Pelosi's choice for majority leader, defeated in a landslide

But if you read between the lines on a lot of these stories, you'll see the real story underneath -- the implosion of the Republican, not the Democratic, Party. Indeed, at the end of all this, Pelosi will still be Speaker, Hoyer will still be Majority Leader, and the new minority party will still be trying desperately to wipe the blood off its hands by smearing it all over the natty suits of their fellows.

"Pardon me. Just a little blood. Heh heh heh."

It's fun to watch, especially when the party in question has made a sport of utterly destroying their political opponents over the past decade. Case in point -- just look at the New York Daily News' story on Hoyer's election. "Pelosi's Bruising," they call it -- and, really, that's about what you'd expect out of the Daily News, which can largely by depended on to report conventional wisdom. But then they end the story with:

"For all the focus on the Democrats, a former Bush official who predicts a coming bloodbath between the White House and disgruntled conservative Republicans brushed off the Pelosi-Hoyer tussle as much ado about process.
'The Democrats are the sideshow,' he said. 'Bush self-destructing is the big story in town.' "

You're god-damn right it is, Mr. Former Bush Official. The chickens have come home to roost -- but these chickens have the metal spurs and vicious nature of cockfighting champions.

The "PELOSI'S IN TROUBLE (by the way, Bush is getting killed out there)" thread ran throughout the media over the weekend. As long as we're on Daily News owner Mort Zuckerman's media empire, take a look at his other flagship, U.S. News and World Report. The lead piece in its political bulletin is headlined "Hoyer Puts a Thumping on Murtha" -- a not-so-clever play on Bush's own admission a week ago that his party received a "thumpin' " in the election. That piece goes on to quote the myriad other papers -- The L.A. Times, and so on -- that breathlessly reported on the failed tenure of Speaker Pelosi even before her term begins (as an aside, this all has shades of 1992, when rightwing commentators referred to Clinton's "failed presidency" before he ever took office). But then, just a few stories down, we find "Rove May Leave Within Weeks."

That's Right. The Architect. Bush's Brain. Turd Blossom. Or as I like to call him, a so-so poltical hack with a largely uneven track record -- may be out of a job in a matter of weeks. Of course, that's all speculation, but given the bang-up job his asinine strategy of abandoning the center and rallying the mouth-breathing, bigoted, far-right, batshit-insane base did in this mid-term, it would hardly come as a surprise.

Rove, in happier times

Meanwhile, Pelosi renewed her demand for an end to the Iraq Debacle, calling it her "highest priority." The Associated Press received reports detailing horrific miscarriages of justice at Guantanamo Bay. And incoming Senate Judiciary Chariman Patrick Leahy has demanded that Attorney-General Alberto Gonzalez turn over all documents the White House drew up regarding how detainees should properly be tortured -- and will probably subpoena said documents if Gonzalez refuses.

Alberto Gonzalez, our pro-torture Attorney-General

It's enough to make a neocon begin to question his faith that this whole Global War on Terror would be a cakewalk. Speaking of such, Ken Adelman -- the man who said that Iraq would be a cakewalk -- is the latest Strangelovian neocon to abandon the U.S.S. Bush Administration. "This didn't have to be managed this bad. It's just awful," Adelman said in an interview. In other words, like fellow neocons such as Richard Perle, he blames the execution of the idea -- not the idea itself -- for the problems in Iraq. Clearly, the idea of invading a foreign country, snuffing its leaders, bringing political change at the point of a gun and occupying said country until such change occurs has always been a good one. It worked so well for the Russians in Afghanistan, the French in Algeria, the French in Vietnam, us in Vietnam, the British in Iraq, the British in India, and on and on and on and on.

Take up the White Man's burden--
Send forth the best ye breed--
Go, bind your sons to exile
To serve your captives' need;
To wait, in heavy harness,
On fluttered folk and wild--
Your new-caught sullen peoples,
Half devil and half child.
Take up the White Man's burden--
In patience to abide,
To veil the threat of terror
And check the show of pride;
By open speech and simple,
An hundred times made plain,
To seek another's profit
And work another's gain.
Take up the White Man's burden--
The savage wars of peace--
Fill full the mouth of Famine,
And bid the sickness cease;
And when your goal is nearest
(The end for others sought)
Watch sloth and heathen folly
Bring all your hope to nought.
Take up the White Man's burden--
No iron rule of kings,
But toil of serf and sweeper--
The tale of common things.
The ports ye shall not enter,
The roads ye shall not tread,
Go, make them with your living
And mark them with your dead.
Take up the White Man's burden,
And reap his old reward--
The blame of those ye better
The hate of those ye guard--
The cry of hosts ye humour
(Ah, slowly!) toward the light:--
"Why brought ye us from bondage,
Our loved Egyptian night?"
Take up the White Man's burden--
Ye dare not stoop to less--
Nor call too loud on Freedom
To cloak your weariness.
By all ye will or whisper,
By all ye leave or do,
The silent sullen peoples
Shall weigh your God and you.
Take up the White Man's burden!
Have done with childish days--
The lightly-proffered laurel,
The easy ungrudged praise:
Comes now, to search your manhood
Through all the thankless years,
Cold, edged with dear-bought wisdom,
The judgment of your peers.
-- Rudyard Kipling, 1899.

It's not just the lessons of Vietnam we haven't learned. It's the lessons of the past century and more.

But our leaders are slowly coming around to the fact that Bush's grand crusade may have been a poor idea. While neocons abandon him, Republicans in the Senate have elected Trent Lott -- perhaps Bush's greatest enemy on the GOP side of the Senate -- as the new minority whip.

Trennt Lott, explaining how racist he is.
(And, is it just me, or did the makeup folks do a really bad job over at Meet the Press?)

Lott and Bush have been at odds ever since Bush threw Lott under the bus after the Mississippi senator said of Strom Thurmond's racist 1948 campaign for president (slogan: Segregation Forever!), "I want to say this about my state: When Strom Thurmond ran for president, we voted for him. We're proud of it. And if the rest of the country had followed our lead, we wouldn't have had all these problems over all these years, either."

The late Sen. Thurmond

Bush then said that Lott's statement didn't represent the view of most Americans and Lott, then the Majority Leader, resigned his leadership position and flop-sweated on BET. The fact that the GOP senate minority re-elected him to a leadership position -- albeit by a 25-24 vote over Lamar Alexander -- shows where they stand. Rove perhaps leaving in a few weeks means an end to the win-at-all-costs political movement (though look for its vile return when Newt Gingrich runs for president in 2008 -- hell, he ought to hire Rove. The two would be a match made in hell). David Kuo's recent book, Tempting Faith, illustrates how the GOP has played conservative Christians for fools, offering them lip service in exchange for their votes -- something that was patently obvious to just about everyone except Christian conservatives.

What's left for Bush? He'll spend the last two years wallowing in the trough of the pig sty, and every swine in D.C. wants a piece of the president's succulent backfat.

Come and get it!

But perhaps more importantly, what does the GOP have to look forward to in 2008? The Democrats have their up-and-coming stars -- people like Senator Barack Obama and governors Janet Napolitano and Brian Schweitzer. Who does the GOP have? In abandoning Bush, the Senate has gone back to Lott, a confirmed racist. And can Rudy Giuliani, a pro-choice, pro-gay rights, twice-divorced adulterer who announced his separation from his second wife in a press conference without telling her first, really make it out of the Republican primary? Doubtful. And while John McCain is drifting ever further to the right in anticipation of his run at the White House -- witness his recent flip-flop in which he comes out for overturning Roe v. Wade -- does a look to the future really involve electing the oldest man ever to inhabit the White House? Or does that represent the same sort of regression that marks Trent Lott's return to power? Hell, at this rate, Michael Jesus Archangel could be the GOP's best candidate.

Republican Presidential Hopeful (seriously!) Michael Jesus Archangel

Certainly, the religio-crazy Archangel would look perfectly normal next to the jabbering, backtracking dupes that will make up the GOP's 2008 presidential hopefuls. A proper Republican presidential primary would feature Archangel, Donald Trump and McCain, and be held on Mars, or some more-distant planet. They represent the three remaining faces of the Republican Party. The first, the Jesus freak fundamentalists. The second, somewhat libertarian, laissez faire capitalists who don't want to pay taxes. The third, old people who remain with the Republican party out of a sense of loyalty, because it once represented the things they believed in -- things like fiscal responsibility, personal freedom and the avoidance of foreign entanglements (never mind that, in most cases, the GOP now stands for the opposite of these ideas).

In electing to fight a war in Iraq, in monitoring the communications of a broad swath of Americans here at home, in running up some of the largest deficits in American history, George Bush has broken the back of the Republican Party. It stands for nothing now but its own propagation, It is an asexually reproducing animal with only a dim self-awareness, if any. The party's mascot should be changed from the elephant to the amoeba.

The New Republican Party

But the party should have seen this coming. They have no one to blame but themselves. After Spencer Abraham called for an end to the Department of Energy as a senator, Bush made him head of that department. John Bolton advocated the U.S.'s withdrawal from the United Nations -- Bush made him ambassador to that organization. Lumber Industry lobbyist Mark Rey, head of the Forestry Service. Coal Industry lobbyist J. Steven Griles, Deputy Secretary of the Interior. Lead Industry lobbyist Gale Norton, who once wrote about energy companies' "right to pollute," Secretary of the Interior.

From the get-go, the Republican Party should have realized that George Bush intended, in both positions in his administration and in his administration's policy, to have an eight-year-long Opposite Day.

And so back to my analogy, the president as fodder for the hogs. He belongs there, I think, and I also believe history will vindicate this view. In the six years I have been carefully following the man, I could always depend on his decisions to best be described as "pig shit." If the coming war between Bush and his once-friends causes the Republican Party to implode, so much the better. The sooner this group of greedhead snake-oil salesmen slither under the stone from whence they came, the sooner their place can be taken by a party that actually believes in fiscal conservatism and personal liberties. George Bush may not have caused only the loss of Congress with his idiot war and his bonehead, swine-feed policies. He may have caused the death of something far greater, and far more sinister.

In the end, we all owe Bush a debt of gratitude. He saved us all from himself.

Posted by Dan Sweeney at 12:16 PM | Permalink | Comments (0) | TrackBacks (0)

Damn it, and I just made nice with the police in a post a few days ago. And then this happens. Don't you love how the cops keep telling the guy to stand up, even while they Taze him? Kinda difficult to stand under those conditions, no?

The days of this sort of bullying brutality are over. Not only do we have digital video cameras the size of pens -- and, as phones, we have digital video cameras we take with us everywhere -- we also have YouTube, which means that scenes such as this can be broadcast across the Internet almost instantaneously after they occur.
The only problem remaining is that it's nigh impossible to make a brutality charge stick. I would not be surprised at all to learn that the police in this instance were given a paid suspension while charges are investigated, followed by being completely cleared and brought back on the force. Yes, it's painfully obvious that the amount of force used was in no way close to being required. But the judicial system almost invariably sides with its enforcers.

Posted by Dan Sweeney at 4:18 PM | Permalink | Comments (1) | TrackBacks (0)

With the announcement that Mel Martinez will now be operating as both the senator from Florida and the chairman of the Republican National Committee, look for him to get ousted in the 2010 midterm election.

I say this for a multitude of reasons. First, these are both difficult jobs, meaning that Martinez, already a so-so senator, will wind up doing neither of them ably. He'll piss off the voters for the next four years by hopping all around the country fundraising, and when the GOP gets stomped in 2008, he'll piss off the party machine, leading to less support in 2010.

Additionally, since the dawn of the 20th Century, four Republican senators have simultaneously served as chairmen of the GOP:
Marcus Hanna, the original Rove/Atwater type whose trail of slime put McKinley in office -- albeit briefly

Chairman of the GOP: 1896-1904
U.S. Senator: 1897-1904

Simeon Fess, swept out of power along with most other Republicans in the Depression years.

Chairman of the GOP: 1930-1932
U.S. Senator: 1922-1934

Thruston Morton, of the powerful Morton family, who ran the GOP in the 60s

Chairman of the GOP: 1959-1962
U.S. Senator: 1957-1968

Seeing a pattern here? Historically, every single sitting senator who has taken on the role of Republican chairman has lost in the next election. There's only one guy who bucks the trend, Viagra spokesman Bob Dole:

Chairman of the GOP: 1971-1973
U.S. Senator: 1969-1996

Well, Mel. I know Bob Dole. I proudly voted against Bob Dole in the very first presidential election in which I was legally able to vote. And you, sir, are no Bob Dole.

Chairman of the GOP: 2007-?
U.S. Senator: 2004-2010

Of course, it falls to the Democrats to find a viable candidate to oppose Martinez in '10, and the Florida Democratic Party is pretty short on viable, statewide candidates -- might as well start grooming Alex Sink now.

Alex Sink -- newly elected state CFO, and the only Democrat holding statewide office (other than Bill Nelson, of course)

Posted by Dan Sweeney at 2:37 PM | Permalink | Comments (0) | TrackBacks (0)

Ordinarily, I'm not one to go through all our local media and then spank them all on their asses. There's already a local blog that does that really well. But that blog isn't likely to cover an error by New Times, even one as egregious as this week's Miami New Times cover story.

So, how exactly does Jean Carey, the music editor of a major altweekly, erroneously report that perhaps the biggest DJ act in the world is breaking up -- even when she has an interview with said act? Did it not occur to her in the midst of questioning to ask, "Hey, Tommy, what're your plans now that Daft Punk won't be touring anymore?"

Even the oft-credulous Wikipedia seemed doubtful, quoting Carey, when pressed to identify a source for the info, as saying, "Well, it was announced in the form of a bogus press release through their American publicist, Andrea Greenberg from MSO...I'm actually writing a follow up story about that little escapade."

The funniest thing about that? The publicist's name is Alexandra Greenberg. I'd like to think that was Wikipedia misquoting Carey, but after the breathtakingly massive error in her story, who's to say? The press release from Greenberg's organization announcing Daft Punk's addition to the lineup of the Bang Music Festival didn't mention anything about this being their last show.

Oh, and by the way, for all the harping that we at altweeklies do about the dailies, the Miami Herald put the lie to the Daft Punk break up rumors.

To be fair, every journalist craps out now and again. Lord knows I'm guilty of an error or two in my time. ... OK, maybe not one as huge and easily avoidable as this, but still. What a mess. Can't wait to see that follow-up piece, though. No doubt it will be Bitch-a-riffic.

By the way -- and, really, much more importantly -- if this had been Daft Punk's final performance, the duo would've gone out in style. Easily the best electronica set I have ever seen, and definitely in my Top 10 concerts of all time. Daft Punk's set was the sort of transcendent craziness that almost makes you feel like you've popped a couple rolls, even when you haven't. Phenomenal -- ridiculously, obscenely phenomenal. And, as readers of my column know, I don't go heavy on the praise unless an act really deserves it. Daft Punk was sick -- the sight/sound combination overloaded the senses in the best possible way. If you have a chance to see them, do it. Run don't walk. Do whatever you have to, even if you have to buy it, use it, break it, fix it, trash it, change it, mail- upgrade it, charge it, point it, zoom it, press it, snap it, work it, quick - erase it, write it, cut it, paste it, save it, load it, check it, quick - rewrite it, plug it, play it, burn it, rip it, drag and drop it, zip - unzip it, lock it, fill it, curl it, find it, view it, code it, jam - unlock it, surf it, scroll it, pause it, click it, cross it, crack it, switch - update it, name it, read it, tune it, print it, scan it, send it, fax - rename it, touch it, bring it, pay it, watch it, turn it, leave it, start - format it.

Posted by Dan Sweeney at 11:51 AM | Permalink | Comments (1) | TrackBacks (0)

You know, I've written plenty on my experiences with the ugly side of police officers. But tragedies like the one that happened over the weekend, in which two police officers were shot, one of them killed, by a piece of human filth really serve as a reminder to us -- and especially to people like me, who are often wary of the police force -- of what a thankless, dangerous job the boys in blue (or in our case, white and green) have.

The dead officer, Brian Tephford, leaves behind three children. The man arrested, Eloyn Ingraham, leaves behind a laundry list of previous violent crimes. I am not without personal sympathies with the cops. I covered police for a daily paper. I have an uncle who was once a commissioner of the Balitmore police force before becoming the head of the Maryland state prison system. I have a cousin who is currently serving as a police officer in the same force as our uncle before him. My cousin is a great guy, a heck of a lot of fun. I don't know that "fun" would be the first word I'd use to describe my uncle, but he is certainly among the most decent and dedicated men I have ever known. It's worth remembering that, despite the recollections from the two posts I linked above, there are a lot of good people who strap on a gun and a badge every morning. Sure, it's tough to remember that when they're writing you a ticket or lobbing tear gas at you. But that's just the flip side from a guy like Tephford, gunned down in the streets for doing his job.

Posted by Dan Sweeney at 11:26 AM | Permalink | Comments (0) | TrackBacks (0)

The Republicans took control of Congress in 1994, and impeachment was on their brains not long afterward. After retiring from Congress in 2005, Republican Congressman Henry Hyde, one of the leading lights of the impeachment movement, was asked whether the Clinton Impeachment was retaliation for Nixon decades earlier.

"I can't say it wasn't," Hyde said. "But I also thought that the Republican party should stand for something, and if we walked away from this, no matter how difficult, we could be accused of shirking our duty, our responsibility."

Of course, Hyde's bit about "standing for something" is made ridiculous in light of the timeline of impeachment. Republicans were convinced of impeachment, and then went about looking for something to pin it on. For six years, they hounded and flogged Clinton, until he finally left office in 2000, enjoying approval ratings far higher than those of Congress.

Then came 2000 to the present day -- The Rove Years. Rove's basic election strategy, embraced by Republicans and derided by Democrats, was to get out the Republican vote and appeal to the conservative base, damn the mushy middle that, for the most part, didn't vote anyway. It was a good short-term route, but disastrous in the long-term.

Karl Rove, who will go down in history as a short-sighted, so-so campaigner

In the first six years in office, the Republicans in Congress ostracized Democrats with their witch hunts of Clinton, burning all bridges and ruining chances of reconcilitation, in some part because they were still smarting from the fact that their leader was caught committing multiple felonies 20 years earlier. This pattern of shooting the messenger -- of being angry at those who report atrocities, rather than those who commit them -- has become a hallmark of Republican thought (e.g. Why can't you all report the good news coming out of Iraq?).

Then, in the next six years, the Republicans ignored independent voters while whipping up the base into a frothy-mouthed, rabid group of Igors who looked at voting not as a democratic right, but as a necessity mandated by God. In other words, they spent 12 years completely ignoring the center, where most American voters lie.

Many election watchers have seen the midterm election as the independent moderates being fed up with the rightward direction of the GOP, and acting on that. Despite some gains by liberals in the Northeast, this is true for the most part. White evangelical Christians went out to vote in similar numbers, voted in similar ways, and their candidates got trounced.

Dwight D. Eisenhower, the last decent Republican president, once wrote to his brother, "Should any political party attempt to abolish social security, unemployment insurance, and eliminate labor laws and farm programs, you would not hear of that party again in our political history. There is a tiny splinter group, of course, that believes you can do these things. Among them are ... a few ... Texas oil millionaires, and an occasional politician or business man from other areas. Their number is negligible and they are stupid."

Of course, those people are now the heart and soul of the Republican Party. The Democrats now control a center-left coalition, the sort of group that generally enjoys majorities in most industrialized Western nations.

A more-modern Republican, greedhead monster Grover Norquist, said of the Democrats after the 2004 presidential election, "Once the minority of House and Senate are comfortable in their minority status, they will have no problem socializing with the Republicans. Any farmer will tell you that certain animals run around and are unpleasant, but when they've been fixed, then they are happy and sedate. They are contented and cheerful. They don't go around peeing on the furniture and such."

Grover Norquist, whose testes are shrinking by the minute

If the Democrats can hold together this center-left coalition, leaving only would-be Nazis like Norquist and crazed Jesus freaks like Rev. James Dobson and fellow Colorado Springs resident Ted Haggard as their base, the party need not worry about minority status for another 40 or 50 years, if then -- particularly once the next census comes around and Democrat-controlled state houses can rewrite districts that have been gerrymandered in favor of Republicans.
As for pissing on Grover Norquist's furniture, if his heart was on fire, I wouldn't piss down his throat to save his life. Even my urine is worth more than that.

Posted by Dan Sweeney at 1:44 PM | Permalink | Comments (0) | TrackBacks (0)

Leftist Venezuelan president Hugo Chavez said that yesterday, echoing the general approbation of world opinion.

Here, inside the bubble, we do not have the eyes of those outside, looking in. While this country shouldn't rely on world opinion to define its policies, it is instructive that, despite the debate here at home, the rest of the world is almost entirely united in its praise of the midterm election's outcome.

I had actually begun writing a post about this yesterday, but it wallowed so deeply in schadenfreude that I decided to give it a day before looking at the election. I'm glad I did. Because while the 100 Hours Plan of Nancy Pelosi will almost certainly come to fruition, the jabbering stooge in the White House be damned, the hopes that the world pins on the newly minted Democratic Congress — an end to the Iraq War and the beginning of a more multilateral foreign policy — will likely take years to develop.

On a more personal level, all I can say is, I'm glad I was wrong.

I called the Senate to go 50/50 back in April, but that was before George Allen opened his foul, racist piehole. The rest of the Senate panned out as I thought it would — apart from the unforseen independent candidacy of Joe Lieberman, but that didn't change the outcome. But Allen's stupidity was the country's saving grace. Were it not for his bullheaded macaca comment, and the N-word allegations that followed, along with his demand that a reporter stop "making aspersions" when she asked about his Jewish ancestry, the GOP would still control the Senate. Virginia may be the South, but blatant racism and self-loathing anti-Semtism doesn't play, I don't care what part of the country you're in. In the end, Allen cost the Republicans the Senate. He also ruined my 50/50 prediction, but hey, I can't be too upset.

The House was, of course a "thumpin' " as President Bush graciously admitted the next day, looking very pale and concilliatory at a press conference in which he announced that Secretary of Defense Donald Rumsfeld would be thrown under a bus.

President Bush: Note the abject terror in his eyes.

My own prediction for the House turned out to be woefully pessimistic — guess that's why they pay guys like Stu Rothenberg and Charlie Cook the big bucks. Although, to be fair to me, they allowed themselves more than a dozen tossups, while I made a firm prediction of 227 Dems to 208 GOP — a firm, but terribly wrong prediction. I was off by about 9 seats (a few, like FL-13, are stil being contested), which may not seem like much in a 435-seat House, but it's actually quite a lot when you narrow down the amount of seats that were possible pickups.

Anyway, the Dems definitely picked up: AZ-05, AZ-08, CA-11, CO-07, CT-05, FL-16, FL-22, GA-08, IA-01, IA-02, IN-02, IN-08, IN-09, KS-02, KY-03, LA-01, MN-01, NC-11, NH-01, NH-02, NY-20, NY-24, OH-18, PA-04, PA-07, PA-08, PA-10, PA-16, TX-22 and WI-08

Nancy Pelosi, along with other soon-to-be majority leaders — don't fuck up, guys

I'm happy to see my own dictrict, FL-22, unseated Clay Shaw. As far as I'm concerned, if you've been in the House for more than 20 years -- 10 elections, in other words -- you're corrupt by definition. In 1994, the Republicans swept into power with the Contract With America, a main plank of which was term limits, the idea of which was abandoned as soon as the GOP gained power. That should have been a clear sign of the new majority's malicious intent.

The Republican Congress didn't have a Contract With America — it put out a contract on America. Tuesday's election was certainly a reprisal against Bush, and against the war, but it was also a reprisal against corruption, which is primarily a congressional, not an executive, problem. The election, then, was not anti-Bush, per se. It was anti-Republican. Anti-Bush, yes, but also anti-Congress, anti-everything that has transpired under these hypocritical, corrupt greedheads in the 12 years that they have oozed through the halls of power.

And that means that, yes, this was a vote for oversight. The Republican talking heads are all screaming now about how there better not be investigations, there better not be indictments. But, au contraire, Mr. O'Reilly, that's what this election was all about. Oversight. A rubber-stamp Congress might as well be no Congress at all. Any further depredations on the part of the White House will be greeted with a raking through the coals, and Bush will have to throw out more red meat to keep the wolves at bay, just as he did with Rumsfeld yesterday. I don't know that we'll see major investigations over the lies that led us into Iraq, but invented reasons, fabricated rationales and the other endemic symptoms of the White House's truthiness campaign end January 3, 2007. A lot of damage has already been done. But, at the very least, this Congress can halt any further erosion of the America we all know and love.

Speaking of O'Reilly, he was very adamant in his interview with Senator Chuck Schumer yesterday that if this Congress spent all its time investigating, he would pound them. In fact, talking about Nancy Pelosi, he said he would "be on her butt." Bill's so manly when he threatens little old Italian grandmothers. Hell, between that and the disgusting sexual harassment suit he settled out of court, it's pretty clear where Bill O'Reilly stands.

Bill O'Reilly, misogynist pig

But more important than Bill O'Reilly's hatred of women is the fact that he is so terribly wrong on this issue; as is usually the case with Mr. Bill, he insists on being the vox populi while actually supporting ideas diametrically opposed to the will of the people. The people voted for oversight Tuesday. They voted for checks and balances. The outrage will not come if this Congress investigates the various lies, distortions and corruption that keep the Bush administration running. The outrage will come if the Democratic Congress rubber-stamps Bush's agenda just as much as its predecessor did. If we see a Congress that, despite Democratic majorities, is still afraid to call Bush on his depravedly indifferent, horseshit policies, we will see a Democratic Congress only until the 2008 election.

But for now, here's to morning in America. Yesterday was one of the happiest of my life. The birds sang a little louder, the air was a little crisper and, in the pitch-black darkness of Bush's America, a small, shining light flickered on in the distance.

Posted by Dan Sweeney at 10:11 AM | Permalink | Comments (0) | TrackBacks (0)

Just for the record, here's what everyone has said:

Guru_______________________Senate_______________House of Representatives
Congressional Quarterly_______48-48, 4 tossups_________212-199, 24 tossups
Cook Political Report__________49-49, 2 tossups_________223-197, 15 tossups
Electoral-vote.com____________51-49__________________241-193, 1 tossup
Stu Rothenberg______________51-49___________________223-196, 16 tossups
Larry Sabato_________________51-49___________________232-203
Doomed Generation___________50-50___________________227-208

Surprisingly, I turned out to be more conservative than all of the heavy hitters. Gives me hope for a bright future.

Posted by Dan Sweeney at 10:43 AM | Permalink | Comments (0) | TrackBacks (0)

For starters I should remind everyone that, yes, tomorrow is Election Day. So get out there and vote if you haven't already. Believe it or not, I would rather you vote for the degenerate swine that are in power now than not vote at all.

Anyway, I treated this blog like it was my own Cook Political Report over the last few months, banging out political predictions with the harsh judgement and brutal zeal of a Wahabbi cleric issuing fatwas. And now, on the eve of the election, I still stand by each and every one.

Way back in April, I posted my Senate predictions. Although a lot has changed, I still think my basic prediction of a 50/50 Senate, with Dick Cheney breaking the tie and the Senate therefore going Republican, is on the money. I hope I'm wrong, of course, and I think that a 51/49 Democratic majority is just as likely as a 50/50 tie. There are some differences with my old post from April, of course. Virginia wasn't an issue back then. And I had the Senate going 50 GOP, 49 Dem. and 1 Ind. Of course, there will actually be two independents, Bernie Sanders and the unforseen independent candidacy of Joe Lieberman. Back then, I had Tennessee going Ford. Now, I think the GOP will hold this one, while Claire MacCaskill will take out Jim Talent in Missouri. And then, there's the X factor of Virginia. With TN staying GOP and MO going Dem -- and Pennsylvania, Rhode Island, New Jersey, Montana, and Ohio all playing out as predicted -- Virginia will decide the Senate majority. Honestly, I think a 51/49 Democratic majority is pretty likely. But I made the 50/50 prediction so long ago, and it's still pretty likely, so I'm gonna stick with my guns just so that I can boast about it when/if I'm right. For the record, though, I do hope I'm wrong.

More recently, but still before the primary elections, I called Charlie Crist to be the next governor of Florida. I see no reason to change that. Crist had a lot of problems in this political campaign, but the Davis camp refused to capitalize on them, and Davis never defined himself -- that's what happens when you have an empty-suit candidate.
Speaking of empty-suit candidates, I also called Ron Klein to beat Clay Shaw in the same blog entry. I'll stick with that prediction, though it's looking far more like that would be an upset victory.
Like the Senate predictions entry, there have been some changes since my Governor/House of Representatives blog entry. The biggest change is the fact that Mark Foley turned out to be a pederast. This put the 16th District in play, and that district wasn't even worth mentioning in my original entry.

Finally, there's my prediction that the Dems would pick up 21 seats and take the House of Representatives. I think that's still as good a number as any, though really it'll probably be more, since I neglected the state of New York, where Dems stand to gain about 3 or 4 seats. But I'll keep to that prediction, just for shits and giggles.

So, to sum up:
House: Dems pick up 21 seats and take control
Senate: Dems pick up 5 seats, GOP retains control
Governor: Charlie Crist beats Jim Davis

That's all, folks. Get out there and vote tomorrow.

Posted by Dan Sweeney at 5:10 PM | Permalink | Comments (0) | TrackBacks (0)

I haven't written an entry in more than two weeks, because the shame of modern politics has gotten even to me -- and previously, I rather enjoyed the bare-knuckle, vile hatred of partisan politics. It's good fun, in the same sense that many people love pro-wrestling or that TV show Cheaters. But the last couple of weeks have been so shameful, so sad, so unlike even the rabid hysteria of the last several election cycles, that even I have found myself wanting to avoid anything to do with it.

But, I've come to the inescapable conclusion that I can't. I tried to kick it, but being a political junkie is just like an addiction to any other dangerous habit -- it's easy to get into, but tough to quit. So let's wallow in the muck awhile, and then I'll go through the Election Day options and let you know just where I stand. Because what the hell? It's only politics, but I like it.

I suppose the real nastiness started with Rush Limbaugh making fun of Michael J. Fox's Parkinson's Disease. Of course, Limbaugh has a long history of vomiting filth, whether it be dismissing black quarterbacks or dismissing John Kerry as a coward in 2004 (more on Kerry later, of course). The real problem with Limbaugh's slime was that he said Fox either "didn't take his medication or he's acting, one of the two." As he said this, he flailed about, mocking Fox's movements. Of course, that's a bit of a problem, because it's Parkinson's medication that causes the jerky movements -- the disease itself causes rigidity. Moreover, Limbaugh was a bit moronic to tear into Fox for partisan political reasons, since Fox is an issue advocate, not a political partisan -- after all, Fox did a similar campaign ad for Republican Arlen Spector in 2004. But what do you expect from Rush Limbaugh? The man has as much credibility as the anal cyst that got him out of Vietnam.

Rush Limbaugh, alleged anti-Parkinson's advocate ... er, anti-people with Parkinson's advocate, rather

Speaking of right-wing blowhards with no credibility, Ann Coulter may face prosecution for voter fraud. Very patriotic, Ann.

Ann Coulter, alleged felon

And then, the vice president went on the radio show of Scott Hennen -- a man who broadcasts only on one station in Minnesota, but has nevertheless interviewed most of the major players in the Bush White House, oddly enough -- to get the message back on the good things about the GOP -- things like torturing people who have been arrested and never charged with a crime. What follows is taken straight from the White House's web site.
Q: Would you agree a dunk in water is a no-brainer if it can save lives?

THE VICE PRESIDENT: It's a no-brainer for me, but for a while there, I was criticized as being the Vice President "for torture." We don't torture. That's not what we're involved in. We live up to our obligations in international treaties that we're party to and so forth. But the fact is, you can have a fairly robust interrogation program without torture, and we need to be able to do that.

Isn't that just breathtaking? Cheney can actually call waterboarding a "no-brainer" in one breath -- an interrogation technique now forbidden by the army as torture -- and then say in the next breath that he's not for torture.

Dick Cheney, Vice President "for torture"

And then, of course, there's John Kerry.
What he said:
"You know, education, if you make the most of it, you study hard, you do your homework and you make an effort to be smart, you can do well. If you don’t, you get stuck in Iraq."

What had been written for him to say:
"Do you know where you end up if you don’t study, if you aren’t smart, if you’re intellectually lazy? You end up getting us stuck in a war in Iraq. Just ask President Bush."

So, it's pretty obvious what he meant. Of course, that didn't stop the GOP from freaking out and saying he had cast aspersions upon the troops. In fact, the GOP lie worked so well, that mainstream news outlets reported it as if it were the unvarnished truth. CNN reported "President Bush joined GOP lawmakers Tuesday in blasting Sen. John Kerry for telling a group of college students they could either work hard in school or "get stuck in Iraq."

Amusingly, bush defended the troops as being "plenty smart and plenty brave," a phrase that sounds so stupid it only reiterates Kerry's criticism of the president.

But at this point, that's pretty much all the GOP has left: bullshit. ... well, bullshit and violence. In the Virginia senate race, Republican senator George Allen at first tried to pin Democratic challenger Jim Webb as some sort of pedophile for a line from his book, Lost Soldiers. The line describes the practice of parents in Southeast Asia of greeting their children by kissing their genatalia -- admittedly weird by Western standards, but hey, no weirder than the lesbian sex scenes in Lynne Cheney's novels or the bear-on-girl sex scene from Scooter Libby's. Incidentally, Webb's book was praised by Publisher's Weekly as "delivered with such bold strokes and magical detail that it really doesn't matter that the plot itself is relegated to the backseat. This is a highly personal and empathetic look at today's Vietnam." Republican senator John McCain called it, "A novel of revenge and redemption that tells us much about both where Vietnam is headed and where it has been." Finally, no less an authority on literature than Tom Wolfe declared Lost Soldiers, "the finest of the Vietnam novels."

So, smearing the book was off to a bad start. And then the smear campaign caused conservative columnist Frank Schaeffer to leave the Republican Party, and even woefully deluded Michelle Malkin said, "I don't think, however, that the Allen campaign -- couldn't they leave this to surrogates? -- should be trafficking in this late October muck."

Now, back to that bit about violence. Once the Webb lies didn't stick, there was really nothing left except to beat the hell out of Webb supporters. That should put the Fear of George in them. Allen's campaign insists that voters shouldn't believe their lying eyes, and that the man who has assaulted, liberal blogger and former Marine Mike Stark, started the fight. The campaign says that they have photographic proof of this, but naturally, like the Allen campaigns claims that Allen's 1970s arrest warrants were for fishing without a license, proof is not forthcoming.

And on to our own state of Florida, where Republican gubernatorial candidate Charlie Crist is not gay, so stop saying that. Amazing that only one paper is doing serious reporting on this -- my erstwhile employer, it should be noted -- and that Democrats have figured out no way to use this. It's late in the political game, after all -- and after being covered in slime since the GOP took over Congress in 1994, what's good for the goose is good for the gander.

But enough about politics. What about policy? The most damning thing to happen in the last few weeks in this country's history has been the potential death of habeas corpus. Just read Keith Olbermann's commentary on it.

Oh, and by the way, sea life as we know it will cease to exist by 2050, so eat that Chilean Sea Bass while you can.

Posted by Dan Sweeney at 4:06 PM | Permalink | Comments (2) | TrackBacks (0)