The story hit the Philadelphia Daily News last Thursday in an article by Dana DiFilippo that begins "With their wedding anniversary less than two weeks away, Howard Randolph was thinking romance. He hoped to take his wife, Monica, out for an intimate dinner and maybe an oldies-but-goodies show to celebrate 11 years of matrimony. But yesterday, his mind was more on divorce and jail for his wife after she almost became Philadelphia's own Lorena Bobbitt. Monica Randolph didn't need a kitchen knife. She took matters into her own hands."

The article then goes on to describe how Monica leapt onto Howard while he slept and shredded his sac. Perhaps the most evocate image in the story is the reference to Howard's "gore-slicked gonads."

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAIIIIIIIIIIIIIEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!!!!!!

As hinted in the opening paragraph, I have my own sordid history with Philly, most of which involves daylight robbery, Betsy Ross' house, a shady back-alley meeting behind a Quality Inn, public urination and the Liberty Bell. Remind me to tell you about it one of these days once the relevant statutes of limitations have passed.

Anyway, the other news coming out of the hometown of the worst team in baseball other than the Marlins is the fact that both of the city's papers, the Daily News and the Inquirer have been sold to an investment group led by one Brian Tierney and one Bruce Toll. The seller, McClatchy group, had bought the papers when it bought Knight Ridder a few weeks back. McClatchy's holding onto the Miami Herald and most of the other KR papers, but selling off 12 of them. Of those 12, the two Philly papers are certainly the most well known.
From the story on Yahoo, "Tierney has been active in local Republican circles and co-chaired the GOP candidate's campaign in the last mayoral election. Both he and Toll have said they won't influence editorial coverage."
If you believe that, I've got oceanfront property in Arizona to sell you. Tierney wasn't just active in GOP circles. According to some Pennsylvanians of my acquaintance, the man used to appear on a Philly radio station's Sunday public affairs talk show, and the views he espoused put him somewhere to the right of Pennsylvania's own Senator Rick Santorum, who once compared gay marriage to bestiality and polygamy.
As for Toll, to put a local spin on it, Toll's buying both major papers would be like Bergeron buying the Sun-Sentinel and the Palm Beach Post, then turning around and saying the papers will be even-handed when it comes to overdevelopment in South Florida. Would you believe him? In fact, Toll makes Bergeron look like a cheap slumlord -- Toll's development company, Toll Brothers Inc., is the largest builder of luxury homes in the country, which certainly puts it on par to be the largest builder of luxury homes on the planet.
Ah well. Might as well be open-minded and cautiously optimistic about these things. There's an upcoming senatorial election in Pennsylvania, and the incumbent, the aforementioned Santorum, is actually behind the challenger in the polls -- something of a rarity in our electoral system, even as disaffected as most voters are with the president and the GOP-controlled Congress. Anyhow, whether or not the Philly papers' coverage starts leaning Santorum this summer will tell volumes about how hands-off Tierney and Toll intend to be.
As a final thought on this, I think it goes without saying that, when real estate developers, the right wing and media manipulation come together, there's bound to be a connection to our backyard. So, here's one: Bruce Toll graduated from the University of Miami in 1965.

Bruce Toll, possibly the biggest developer in the world, and now a burgeoning media baron

Moving on to better things, y'all heard the new album by Grandaddy, Just Like the Fambly Cat? It's real good. Why the hell this band had to break up is beyond me. I also appreciate Ticonderoga, the new album by Morning 40 Federation, a New Orleans group that the New Orleans Times-Picayune refered to as "the 9th Ward's unofficial house band" -- you know, back when there was a 9th Ward. Anyway, judging from my first listen, the album appears to be about nothing but women, drugs and booze, so you know it's probably good.

Brilliant and sadly defunct Grandaddy

Morning 40 Federation in happier, less-flooded times

And finally, clear your calendars for June 11, 2006. Fort Lauderdale's Revolution will be hosting a show by newly formed Independent Working Artists' Network. It'll feature tons and tons and tons of musicians and artists, and it'll be a hell of a lot of fun. Here's all the info:

Go to this event. It will be awesome.